80++ pictures in Sunway?

Last Wednesday, me and a bunch of my friends [Nad, Mar, Myra, Radzi and Nesh – I know they want me to mention them ;)], went to Sunway Piramid to skate. But luck was not on our side. The skating rink was renovated to give us ‘a colder ice to skate on’ or whatever the banner stated.(Dang! I was SO looking forward to this!) With a heavy heart and feet, literally, we drag ourselves to go and find other entertainment but more towards the archery range.

My heart was thumping coz this is the first time in 3 years I’m gonna hold a bow. Believe it. I was in the school archery club for 3 years and one of the candidates for the school team. I’m not bluffing! Really! Despite my size and looks (wait, what does my looks has got to do anything with archery?!), I made it into the state stage but lost in the end. (What a shocker!) I’m getting a bit side tracked here so I’ll try not to do it again. We made a good deal with the people there and got 28 arrows each. This might seem a lot but we managed to finish it in a few minutes! Aren’t we cool?! (I wish!) Radzi made a bet with me, if I could get a yellow for every shoot I made, he’ll give me an arrow. (I got three! Wahahaha!) At the end, I won with the help of 3 extra arrows from Radzi! Thanks a lot man!

Wait, I forgot an important part! We went to buy movie tickets before we went archery-ing and it was a HARD decision. None of them was on my side for the movies I wanted to watch – 27 Dresses or Horton Hears a Who. Five of them agreed on watching a horror movie, god knows why. They keep asking and begging me to agree to watch the horror movie of their choice, Shutter, and – surprise, surprise! - they succeeded. I HAD to watch it or the ticket would go to waste, or I had to wait for them outside, ALONE! For hours! Ugh! When we were outside, Radzi made a tense face. All of us was panicking coz he just lost his handphone! His Nokia Xpress Music phone nonetheless. Pity him!

With all the dramas and stuff happened, it really wear us out. What better way to regenerate but to eat?! Right?! Right?! So, with high expectation, I lead them to Pizza Hut. Thank God they didn’t say anything or suggest something else! Good children, I thought. I taught them well. So, we sat and had fights over what pizza we should get. I won. Again! I’m on a roll here, baby! From this day onwards, Wednesday will be my lucky day. When the food started to come course by course, we munch ‘em while gossiping about the trip we had a few days back at Pulau Pangkor (Myra and Radzi not included). Eat and talk is NEVER a good combination coz ‘stuff’ started to happen. Funny but yucky stuff I might say. Can be in the form of spitting or accidentally-snorted-booger-out kind of thing. You might be picturing it right now but I beg of you to stop. Now. Moving on, we fill up our gas tank and were satisfied, big time!

So, the road trip back home was surprisingly pleasant coz of some circumstances. We sent Nad to her house and prayed ‘Asr there and had drinks. Whoa! Not THAT kind of drink! Sunquick-orange-added-with-rose-syrup drink, Nad was too lazy to mix the sugar with hot water. Sorry I mentioned this! Next, to Mar’s house, quick and easy. We had a quick pit stop at Seksyen 14. Nesh had to stop there to take his PSP coz he misses it so much. And we’re off to KL to send Myra at Masjid Jamek.

Thus, the moment we’ve been waiting for, to my house! As we got near to the highway, I had to concentrate on where I’m supposed to go. I’m good with directions in the mall but bad at it on the road. This is coming from someone who doesn’t have a drivers’ license. Go figure! We got to Shah Alam in tip top shape, no accidents what-so-ever. Yay me! I have to pat myself on the back when I got to my room. We’re in front of my house and I invited them to come in and greet my parents since we are seriously late. They insisted on another time so I let them go. They look like a dog running with its tail between its legs, hypothetically speaking. When I went into the house, there’s no one there! Talk about the nervous breakdown I almost had! Phew! What a relief! So, I don’t have to tell my parents anymore white lies or the whole truth about where I go and who I go with. Just my lucky day! Wednesday!

p/s: We had like 80++ pictures at the end of the day! Talk about a camera-whore! Haha! But it was one of the most memorable day I will not forget. EVER!

But God Stood Silent

Today I manage to write about a very interesting story. It's not about myself nor my thought. It's very narrative so I hope people can think what the reason I wrote the story. Ladies and gentleman, here we go:

Buah berembang buah bidara,
Sayang selasih saya lurutkan,
Runtuh rumah runtuhlah para,
Cinta kasih kita buktikan.

Once upon a time, , a very tired Youngman came and sat under a tree. He has left his village in search of work in a small mining town called Kuala Lumpur.

Luck was not with him. Jobs were scarce. With little money and no place to stay he decided to take a nap. His short nap was broken by the twittering sound of squirrels collecting fallen fruits from the tree. Then he realized that he had just taken a nap under a Berembang Tree. To him this is a sign of good luck. He knew this fruits.

So he decided to build a small pondok just under that Berembang Tree. Two days later he found a job as a porter at Jalan Sultan railway station. When he was asked to write his address at the job application he decided to call his little hut under the tree Kampung Berembang. That was how the legend has been passed down from one generation to another. The land title was then still held by God.

Kampung Berembang grew and became a real big kampong in Ampang. People – Chinese, Malay and Indian - came from all over the country looking for work in Kuala Lumpur, unable to pay rent, decided to build their houses in Kampong Berembang.

Some years later, shocking news came to the villagers. God Al-Mighty has given the land title to a very wealthy businessman. How this businessman managed to negotiate with God was puzzling the villagers. With God on his side, the businessman has put out notices asking all the villagers to vacate and leave.

So, the Datuk Penghulu and the villagers decided to appeal to God. They told God that they have nowhere to go. The rent is the city of Kuala Lumpur is unaffordable. Some of their children were still in school and some would be taking their examination. But God stood silent.

The businessman with his money has managed to buy some of the villagers and sent them off to a very far distance land. The Datuk Peghulu – the village trusted person - unfortunately was bought over by businessman and sold to a foreign ship. The villagers full of tears made a last appeal by telling God.

But God stood silent.

One night when all the villagers were sleeping, the businessman sent his workers to cut down the Berembang Tree. The huge tree fell into some houses. The branches knocked down an electric pole and it fell into a house and spark a fire. Suddenly many houses caught fire.

The parents gathered their panicked stricken children. God who has stood silent for so long decided to voice His disagreement. God decided to send rain water to quash the fire. But it was too late. When the fire stopped Kampung Berembang was like Fallujah.

Later in the week, to please God, the kenduri kahwin fiesta was held. A cow was slaughtered to feed the wedding guests. People – uninvited - from many villages, near and afar came to Kampung Berembang to celebrate the kenduri. It was the wedding of the great grand daughter of the man who took a nap under the Berembang Tree.

So today, the legend continues. The story of Kampung Berembang is now told through wayang kulit by some of the great great grandchildren of the man who took a nap under the Berembang Tree. These children travel from village to village with their wayang kulit in a hope to tell the story of their kampung and spreading the seed of buah berembang.

Buah berembang buah bidara
Sayang selasih saya lurutkan
Dengar kawan dengar cerita
Terima kasih saya ucapkan.

Saya Dato' Seri? Auww!

Saya adalah manusia yang paling segan untuk mengisi borang. Dalam erti kata lain, saya malas mengisi borang!

Kali terakhir saya mengisi borang dengan agak serius ialah semasa saya mendaftar diri untuk masuk ke UIA. Macam-macam yang dikehendaki – bukan sahaja keputusan SPM, tarikh saya bersunat pun dikhendaki sama. Semenjak dari itu saya berjanji saya tidak akan ambil 'pot' lagi dalam hal ehwal mengisi borang ini.

Satu ketika kerana terlalu bosan mengisi borang yang telah berpuluh-puluh kali diisi, lalu saya menulis

– Not yet, tunggu kahwin - diruang SEX dalam borang biodata ini.

Akibatnya, saya telah dimarahi oleh kerani yang garang.

Sebelum masuk UIA, saya diwajibkan mengisi borang. Saya tidak banyak pilihan kerana saya diwajibkan membuka akaun di bank. Sebenarnya, saya merasa terseksa semasa mengisi borang bank ini. Tempat akhir yang wajib saya isi ialah ruang – Apa Nama Yang Ingin Dipanggil. Di ruang ini ada tertera - Tuan, Encik, Puan, Datuk, Datin, Tan Sri, Datuk Seri, Tun. Bila terlihat ruang ini, dengan cepat saya tersenyum dan berfikir inilah peluang saya untuk menjadi Datuk Seri. Lalu saya menandakan Datuk Seri untuk tambahan panggilan nama saya. Apabila bank ini menghantar surat kepada saya nanti maka bank ini akan menulis Datuk Seri dipermulaan nama saya.

Ha ha ha, baru sekarang saya seronok mengisi borang. Saya juga merasa begitu bangga kerana saya kini bertaraf Datuk Seri. Inilah kali pertama saya merasa berbaloi mengisi borang. Saya telah menjadi Datuk Seri sekarang dan saya masih lagi menunggu surat pertama dari bank ini.

I Have Decided

I have decided

In view of continuing
problems and shortfalls

In the light of repeated
errors and delays

and as apart of ongoing
improvements in
services

I have decided

To privatise my eyes
To sell off my legs
To merge my brain and
my @rse

And review the position
of my ears
Extending their contract
In the light of
performance

By Alistair Noon

Matanya terus mengikuti saya!

Pada hari ini saya telah memasuki sebuah kedai buku. Tetapi awas, sesiapa yang belum pernah memasuki kedai buku di sekitar Kuala Lumpur jangan terperanjat. Ini kerana dalam kedai buku yang saya masuki ini, saya telah diekori oleh pembantu kedai yang merupakan seorang anak muda lelaki. Dia tidak bertanya apa-apa kepada saya tetapi dia sentiasa berada tidak jauh dari saya sambil berlagak seolah-olah sedang membetul-betulkan susunan buku.

"Matanya terus mengikuti saya."

Ke ruang mana saya pergi dia pun turut sama. Setiap kali mata kami bertembung dia akan menunduk dan pura-pura menyusun buku. Apabila saya melangkah dia pun melangkah. Saya menapak ke hadapan dia pun menapak sama. Bila adegan ini berlaku berulang kali saya terbarai ketawa sendirian kerana saya teringat kepada watak arwah Peter Sellers dalam filem The Pink Panther. Bila saya ketawa besar dia bertambah curiaga dan menggelabah. Mungkin si pembantu ini merasa risau. Apakah saya ini baru sahaja keluar dari hospital TanjungRambutan atau jelmaan hantu raya.

Saya tersenyum kerana sedar bahawa para pembantu kedai ini bukan hendak membantu tetapi menjadi mata-mata gelap dalam kedai ini. Mereka menganggap bahawa saya adalah bakal pencuri yang akan mencuri buku. Inilah budaya yang memelikkan saya itu. Bakal pembeli dianggap pencuri dan pengotor.

Untuk menduga sama ada pembantu kedai buku ini betul-betul boleh membantu saya dalam hal buku saya pun menggamit dia datang. Lalu saya bersuara dalam Bahasa Inggeris lorat BBC. 'Tolong bantu. Saya memerlukan buku Kamasutra oleh Vatsyayana yang diterjemahkan oleh Sir Richard Burton cetakan Luxor Press. Cetakan pertama 1963. Besar kemungkinan ada ulangan cetak terbaru.' Untuk pengetahuan anda,Kamasutra adalah buku mengenai teknik- teknik ehem2 manakala Sir Richard Burton adalah penanam epal yang berjaya di Birmingham #61514;

Mulut si pembantu kedai buku ini ternganga dan matanya terkelip-kelip memandang muka saya. Untuk menenangkan hati anak muda ini saya pun bersuara, kali ini dalam bahasa Melayu. 'Kalau adik tak faham tidak perlulah mengekori abang. Abang cadangkan adik ini pergi belajar sains dan maths dalam bahasa Inggeris dahulu. Bila dah selesai belajar nanti baru boleh bantu abang…..bagi cium sekali…' lantas dia beredar. Sama ada dia malu ataupun takut dicium oleh saya tidaklah saya pasti. Yang penting saya BUKAN GAY!

Once upon a time...

My first lesson in life was probably when I was seven or eight years old. One day I came home from school with a 'new' wallet and my mother asked me where I got it from. She knew she had not bought it for me. I told my mother I found it in school and my mother went ballistic. “You stole it?” she screamed.

“I did not steal it, I found it,” I protested. “Someone had dropped it, I don't know who, so I picked it up.”

The next day my mother followed me to school and marched me to the headmistress' office. I was made to hand over the empty wallet and apologise to the headmistress. The headmistress lectured me and told me that the ‘empty wallet’ must belong to someone. So the right thing to do was to hand it to the lost-and-found department so that an announcement could be made and the owner could come and claim it back.

I was so embarrassed that I never dared pick up anything again, never mind how worthless it may have been.

When I was about 9, I got into a fight with three ‘Melayu’ boys. One of the boys called me “Melayu celup” because I could speak well during English class. Well, I had just transferred there from the 'Mat Salleh' School so what would you expect? By the way, today I can speak well in malay even I can write ‘cerpen jiwang’. Challenge me if you dare.

I took a swing at the boy and landed one on his head. It was not that hard a punch really. I think I hurt my hand more than his head but this happened right in the classroom in full view of the rest of the class so he was not about to let me get away with it.

After school I discovered that someone had let the air out of my bicycle tires. I felt a tap of my shoulder and turned around in time to meet the clenched fist of the ‘Melayu’ boy. The punch got me right in the face and I hit the ground in a total daze. I had never been punched before and the sensation was quite astonishing. It is actually true when they say you will see stars. I did.

I did not dare pick myself up from the ground until the ‘Melayu’boy and his two friends had all walked away. Then, with my face throbbing with pain, one eye puffed up, and my mouth swollen like I had been stung by a bee, I pushed my bicycle to town to pump up the tires again.

By the time I got home I was already almost an hour late and my mother was pacing the floor in anxiety. She was shocked to see my swollen face and I explained what had happened, which was why I was late home from school.

When my father came home from work I expected him to rush to my aid but, surprisingly, he took one look at my face and just said, “Hmph.” He did not follow me to school the following day to complain to the headmaster or to insist that action be taken against the three boys who had assaulted me. The message was quite clear: I was on my own. I got myself into it so I will have to get myself out of it.

From that day on I was very careful about getting into trouble. I knew my father would not help me get out of it so I had to make sure that whatever I did there would always be a back door or escape route in case I needed to beat a hasty retreat. That first 'let down' sort of taught me that I need to strategise and size up the situation. I must assess whether the battle I might be taking on is too big for me to handle. The cavalry is not going to come to my rescue if I screw up.

The lesson I learnt from this is: you are on your own. No one, not even
your own father, is going to bail you out

Mr Cinderella

As Cinderella turned to see the clock,
There was no more cheer, instead a shock….

The clock stroked midnight,
She knew the drill,
Time to leave the light,
How sorrow she fell….

She ran down the stairs quickly,
Feeling sorry,
Sorry for the prince, for treating him badly,
Now what’s left for him was curiosity….

As she rushed to the dark nest,
Her shoe slips off her feet,
She looks worried at first,
Because the time got beat….

The prince tried to get her,
She had no time to waste,
She left her shoe behind her,
And picked up some pace…..

As Cinderella became a miss,
The prince made a royal promise,
That is to marry anyone who’s,
Whoever that is, that fits the shoe………

As the next day comes,
The prince was ready,
Ready to find his princess,
And the shoe was the key………

All the women tried,
But the work wasn’t light,
Until the prince cried,
Whose feet were right? .......

As the prince made the claim,
He was desperate and ashamed,
Then, along came a man,
With the other shoe in his hand…..

He went to the prince,
And tried both shoe,
They were a complete fit,
And the prince got flu…….

This is a story,
About a prince,
Who was finding his princess,
Unfortunately, Cinderella was not a ‘miss’……….